Radical Necessity
In 2020, my partner and I came together with another family to share the burden of living through a pandemic. This was necessary. All of us adults were working full time, some remote and some at work sites, with three young children and a pre-teen between us. We needed help, and the possibilities were limited. We were in a crisis, so we did what we needed to survive. We became a pod, an ad hoc family unit. We decided we would raise the kids together, sharing in the responsibility of homeschool and nurturing, so that each of us had some time to maintain our careers and respite to maintain our sanity.
On the days that I was the primary parent, I would assign a theme – a virtue that we’d could give our attention to. Patience. Listening. Empathy. I would ask the children what the word meant, and they gave brilliant answers. Then throughout the day – as we sang songs, walked outside in nature, made snacks, created art – we would remind each other of the theme for the day.
It was an absolute gift listening to 4- and 5-year-old children express their understanding of such concepts that most adults are still struggling to embody. “Everyone needs help with listening, even adults.” I said this to the kids one day, when they called me out for doing a poor job of the very thing I was trying to teach them.
Each of us parents chose a different approach, and our children were safe and happy, which was truly all we wanted and needed for them at that time.
When school opened again, I celebrated and mourned.
Celebrated because this meant that these children would get a rich and varied learning experience that we could never provide at home.
Mourned because I knew that the daily village parenting that I had begun to cherish was coming to an end.
When I reflect on that time, it strikes me that things considered necessary in a crisis somehow become radical in the status quo – which, unfortunately, has returned to its grotesque pre-pandemic form.
If I announced today that I would pull my daughter out of school, join a co-parenting village, and teach them about virtues and nature – well, a lot of folks would think that was nuts.
Two years ago, it was a model for survival.
But guess what? We’re still in the fight for our lives. And it’s even more urgent now than ever before, despite the fact that most of us are too distracted to know, notice, or care. Most of us are back in the grind, trying not to get eaten by the machine that we call “normal”.
The climate is still changing, still devastating earth and sea and sky, town, homes, people, planet.
Racism is still pervasive and systemic and doesn’t try to hide itself.
Black and Indigenous lives are still being cut short by violent systemic disparities in health, wealth and hope.
Parents are still expected to work as if there’s adequate childcare.
We still need a deep village to raise our children. We still need to know that our children are safe and happy, whether they are with us or not.
In conversation with a colleague, she said that “we need an articulated resistance to a return to normal”. I don’t completely know how to articulate the resistance. I just know that I feel the resistance in my gut, in my heart and bones.
The status quo IS a crisis. Radical action IS necessary.